"Stay back."
I threw up a hand. What was he thinking encroaching upon my most sensitive subject! He was my husband, not my gym coach.
"You're going to stress me out and make me feel judgement."
That's how it went this morning. I can't remember the last time I got on the scale, but I'd been in a downward spiral for some time now.
Breakfast: Blueberry Green Giant (what I call it)
So I really do like this shake thing. I got the recipe out of one of those cheap women's mags at the grocery check-out, you know the ones that always have something about losing weight on the front cover. If you want the ingredients, I"ll jot them down: 1.5 cups almond milk, 1 teaspoon coconut oil, 1 cup frozen berries, 2 handfuls of greens(spinach or kale). I usually throw in some bee pollen or some chia seed. You can't really taste it.
Sabotage: Sometimes at work, my B and me sabotage each other. Either I talk her into going up the stairway to heaven or she talks me into it, and I'm not hard to talk into anything! And the stairs do NOT lead to heaven, I can assure you of that, but instead lead to the driver's lounge where there sits a COKE and SNACK machine which I feed regularly. So we went upstairs .... I could not resist.
Snack 10am: Pepsi
I had brought yogurt for lunch. It was in the refrigerator and even though I'd slipped and had a Pepsi, I was ok with that. It was when they started talking about lunch that I slipped a little bit further. ARBY'S. If you haven't ever had an Arby's MAX sandwich, you do not know what you are missing. But wait--I did better today, I got a REGULAR roast beef sandwich. And I didn't order a 64 oz coke to wash it down! So Brenda left to get lunch.
Water: 1 liter bottle of FIJI and I drank this before lunch. I hope to drink one more before I leave today since water is free at work.
Lunch: Arby's classic roast beef sandwich 350 calories
I'm salivating thinking about it. I know I know I'm writing in past tense and then I'm writing in the now. It's ok grammar police out there. I'm fucked up if you haven't already figured that out and some part of this happened before I wrote this and some during the time I'm writing this and some after. So anyone reading can just deal with it.
I feel like shit. I have not felt good in a long while. I'm going on the cruise I won in the last Lose to Cruise contest at the gym even though since the contest I've gained back the 52 lbs that I worked so hard to lose! Ugh. There is nothing and I mean NOTHING more depressing than losing weight only to gain it back.
God if I find a way to really and truly break the cycle it will be a fucking miracle. So I need some encouragement. Feel free to comment. Weigh in. Smash your scale against the wall.
Whatever. This is a free zone. We'll see if I can make it without cracking out. Sugar ...coke... pepsi .....this is my weakness! I'm a total crackhead for it, too. And I hate that fucking scale. Some people hate going to the mailbox, including me but it's because mine is full of spiders, but I sincerely HATE even seeing a fucking scale.
